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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

wait? or not?




lately i just don't know who am i now.... i keep changing my decision and i am not like i use to be... someone that is very confident of her feeling but now.... my mind was like... should i forget or keep on waiting.. thats the painful thing i ever done... waiting.... its hurt me to the chest where i done really feel fine... my face may look good and cheerful at the outside... but deep in side.... i am hurt... too hurt... i don't know why... but i just feel like this is over-reacting only right... its just a crush.. or maybe a one-sided-love... why am i take this too serious... >.<

can i wait any longer? can i? i don't know if i can keep going with this hurt in my chest or not... cause i kinda also fad up on "you".... yes... i am almost fad up.. but my heart always told me to give "you" some time... but i think it is not a long time... i guess... depend on the situation... if... IF... someone can unlock the lock that i lock my heart to wait for you... then... i guess... thats a goodbye to you... yes... a goodbye...  i kinda sad to think it again... cause... everytime i started to like a person... that person will gone far away from me... too far and its hurt... i really is no luck in this type of feeling... yes... especially in LOVE... do i really don't deserve to be loved?

Monday, September 16, 2013

If only i'm brave enough!!! but i am not!!


like the title said... if only i am brave enough... IF ONLY.... IF ONLY.... wondering why?? well.... i have this crush on someone... yes... just a crush... but i can't further my emotion cause i don't know why... but still if only i am brave, i think i will tell him... my heart had close for about 19 years... hehehe xD i not that easy to open my heart type... but i don't know why but this person had open my heart all a suddenly... i also don't know... but still i try to deny myself it is not true... but then... he was someone that open my heart... i just realize recently... just recently....

i had been betrayed by my own feeling and emotion... i shouldn't do like this right.... it is not fair right?? haiz.... i feel like i don't have any luck in relationship.... cause every time i start to like a person, that person will going somewhere far and gone.... thats why i said i didn't have the luck in love... sad right... i feel like i don't have the right to in love with others at all... but well... what to do... thats how its goes right? you cannot change your own destiny...

if i was brave enough... i already told my crush my feeling for him before he gone... but thats cannot happen... cause... i am not brave enough... thats why i am still stuck in my own feeling... it is feel like a one side love only right?? well... thats can be true too... cause i also don't know whether or not that person got feeling toward me or not... some time i wonder... if i tell him my feeling, what will happen? if it is not him, who will it be?? if i follow what my heart said, will anything change?? thats all the question i think in my mind... i guess... i only feel like its a one side love... haiz...

some time, i always feel the pain in my chest... cause thinking about something that not suppose to be thinking... i always think to much that make me sad sometime... i'm weird right... too weird... haiz... what to do... thats how i live now... i live in my own world that i hardly express my feeling... i am good in hiding my feeling... cause it is hard to see whether i like a person... cause i know how to control my feeling in front of others.... i am so mysterious... too mysterious...

well then... got to go.... night night everyone... sometime, i wish that i can turn back time where there is time for me to express my feeling toward him when he is still nearby... but now... he is far from me... ^.^ if only i am brave enough.... but i am not!

Friday, September 13, 2013

playing in the class... in programmable logic controller class...


hello... it been a while right... hehehe xD sorry... been busy in study now... well in this busy hour of study... we how taking ELECTRICAL AND ELECTRONIC ENGINEERING course... in the PLC class also know as programmable logic controller class... having the chance to create or program some software.. with PLC device and a push start button... ^^ its fun though... we going to program something after this whole busy time of rushing for assignment and also study... now it the period of having some fun! 

when the lecturer hang in the switch start button to me... my reaction was like... aww so cute! so small~~!! it is so cute... the size of 10 sen... it is small... very small... hehehe xD then i was like clicking clicking it since it is so nice to play with... then my lecturer said something about the other class he teach last time where the colourful diod(small colourful light), they all having fun decorate theirself with it... hehehe xD our lecturer is fun to play with.. no stress between lecturer and student.. thats why we are so close... 

this type of study environment is fun and stress-less... no tension and awkwardness between the student and lecturer.. and i like this environment the most... hehehe xD

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

free.. i guess... ^^


what a tiring day for me...! i had not having my sleep for 2 days in a roll already... all thanks to the assignment... thanks goodness... my sleepless night is gone for today!! i back on track where i can sleep again tonight!!! yeah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!! i can sleep already... it been 2 night i see how the night be day... the dark be bright... and it fun to enjoy the scenery with a bunch of assignment and maybe a cup of hot mocha?? hehehe xD i'm having so much fun while rushing my assignment the 2 night before... and now.......... i'm free... maybe... perhap... i think... kinda... could be... i guess...sort of... possibly... might be.... just for this week i guess... free from assignment... never know what the future will lead you to right?? hehehe xD

now... i'm maybe free... but my mind... is full of thing going on.. but i feel blank... is it because of tire?? or is just that my emotion is not stable?? i never know right... but i having fun... i think i am missing something... but don't know what... this is me... but i don't really know myself yet... yeah... it had been 9 years i live as me... but does not know detailly who i am actually.. i know i am Fiona Sharon but that is just something everyone know right?? but i just don't really know who i am... but for sure,... right now i am free from assignment!!! yeah!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Assignment... you really made me like a dead meat now...


hello everyone... what a tiring day for me this whole day.... last week i just finish my exam for the first phase... i though that everything is okay after the exam week... but then, its not! my assignment!! thats it!!! assignment..! totally dead... i'm doing it like overnight thing like that... but its not enough.. why do the due date place at the same week as the exam week??!! its not fair... haiz... too stress for me..

i didn't slept the whole night just because of the assignment... but i really hope that the assignment i did was great... i hardly can do anything right... totally,.... everything seem to be so hard for me.. not idea.... i'm stress now... studying electrical and electronic really hard... its not that hard but just so stress... too stress..! haiz... now... i am doing it again... assignment... please be kind to me again...!! we gonna meet again for another 5 semester... just this time... don't give me stress... soon enough you gonna be submit too... so for the time being... please be kind to me!! >.<

Saturday, September 7, 2013

ideal type??


hello everyone... time passes so fast.... right??? do you all having time or spending time with someone you love and you care?? really?? make sure you won't regret it after time pass again that you regret about not making time for them... time is precious so make sure you appreciate it a... peace...

recently... i found out that my ideal type of boyfriend.. hehehe xD kinda shy wanna share it.. but well... something is worth to be share right... its not a crime to share something like this... right??

i had been single for about 19 years and never even in a relationship before... believe that or not?? never expect it right... hehe xD is just that... i am scare to involve in love relationship.. last time... when i was in secondary school or also know as high school in the west country, i had made a promise to myself that... do not have a boyfriend till i graduate from my secondary school... this is because i promise to put all my strength and mind in my study and i kinda feel that having a boyfriend during that time is not a perfect time... and also wasting my time and money and energy... i think... hehe xD i prefer to have friends rather then having a boyfriend last time.... how childish was i am... and thanks goodness... i kept my promise... wow... never know that i am mentally strong! hehehe xD but if i had a chance to have one now or in the future... i will try and at least i had experience... rather then not... but if i had a chance... i believe i will try... but for sure that person will try so hard to capture my heart... cause i don't really like a person that not even try their best in capture my heart... it hard to attract me by the way... i hardly fall for someone else easily... so do your best a... to someone else.... since i still don't know what future will lead me to...

my life is all about drama... i think... but still i feel that.. my life is like a normal girl... i sleep well... eat well and live well.... sometime when i was watching a drama.. and see the couple in that particular drama... i wonder how will my future boyfriend will be... well... a perfect boyfriend is just happen to be in drama... so... everyone... wake up... lets face the reality... now i realize that having a perfect one is not fun... apparently it just happen in drama... i rather choose someone that is easy to talk to... an easy going guy?? hehehe xD i love to talk and chat... that what make me feel that there is someone there to chat with me and hear my story at the same time... chit chating... playing around together.. fighting like a child... wow... thats hard to find right?? i tend to believe what others said easily... a playful chat together will be fun though... to play with.. i like someone that is bright and cheerful... since sometime my mood is not that good... hopefully there is someone that will try to make me happy?? smile..?? hehe xD to think this again make me shy and also smile at the same time... i start to imaging thing now... beside that... most importantly... he has to be someone that is funny... i like funny person... i don't know why... but i tend to like someone that is bright and cheerful and also funny at the same time... cause i easily get bored and doing nothing... lastly.... the most important characteristic of my ideal type is someone that is not a gamer... playing online game like dota or blackshot regularly...!! is a no no to me... playing online game rarely or sometime, i still can accept but if all the time.. sorry, you are not in my list.... like i said... time is precious... i hope for someone that can make time to be with me... not someone that is 24/7 infront of the computer playing game without even notice me or care about me... attention is important to me...! i don't really like someone that is a smoker too... if you are a smoker... you are not on my list.. since i having asthma... cigarette's smoke is not good for me.. i tend to avoid people who smoke or having the smoke smell on the shirt or maybe when they are breathing... so no hard feeling a... i just think about my health...

hopefully i will meet one... in the future... my ideal type of guy... if i found you (who ever you are... anyone.... and i don't know who yet...) having all what i listed up... you maybe on my list.. i guess... hehehe xD most important... someone that can accept me for who i am... :) all and all... this is my ideal type of guy... don't feel offend cause.... each and everyone have their own ideal type right?? me too...

Friday, September 6, 2013

done! but can't be so relax yet!



at last... exam week done... next week gonna start class again... after a month later... exam week coming again before i off to have my semester break... well everything is okay in exam for this week... too okay for me... now what in my mind was just... ASSIGNMENT... my PLC assignment 1 not yet done yet... haiz~~~!!! "sigh" i wonder... can i finish my assignment??? maybe... possible?? hahaha xD i guess possible... hopefull it will be not invalid... 

i hope my exam this time is as good as last time... since i had start my 4 semester now in my college and now having my first semester of HND which is know as HIGHER NATIONAL DIPLOMA... the rule is so far different... too different then normal diploma and degree marking... i really hope to get the DISTINCTION grade... hopefully... wanna graduate my course with first honour certificate... seriously aim for it... hopefully...!

now i need to get rid of the unneccessary in my life first in order to achieve my goal... maybe a new rule for myself again?? well.. need to think about it again... hehehe xD anyway... gonna rush doing assignment now... hope can submit it on time... hopefully~~~!!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

me now and the 1 year before...


days, months and yeaars.... it move really fast isn't it??!! how fast can it be in years to come? feel like 365 days per year is not enough for me... i guess... when everything is not in the right place... sometime i hope that i can turn back time, and maybe choose different decision i did before... what will i do?? will i regret it later?

now... many of my friend told me that i had change a lot... well kinda be too open... maybe... without even i realise it... maybe... i am like i use to be... but i think i had change cause met a lot of different personality people... i guess...

when think back time... lets go back to 1 year before... i am a shy and every emotion or feeling or any burden.... i hide to myself... i didn't bring it out... and its totally hurt me a lot... really... a lot... it hurt to think back the pain i kept for myself... nobody was there to hear my story or pain.. i not that trust anyone back then... everything i kept to my secret... even the smallest detail of myself... i am not who i am now...

now... i kinda feel that i a bit open.. well.. the pain does lost a bit.. feeling and emotion... i tell everyone... not even the smallest pain i having now, others don't know... i feel a little free now... i guess trusting is not something hard to do, right?? i try to trust people a bit now... i may be naive but... i don't really trust people... i guess.. i still feel that i don't even know who i am... i guess i need to know myself more now...

overall... i guess i need to study myself... i feel like i will be more different then now in the years to come i guess... maybe... sort of... hahaha xD but still i am happy to know myself a bit now...

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

lately



i always wonder... is it right for me to do this thing? my curiosity start to appear now... ever since i was.... well hard to said... i was not that obsess of something weird... but just that i feel that i am lost somehow...

i feel like this is not the right me and i wonder... am i doing the correct thing... i hate to overthink something that i do really care... but now... i feel that i am over thinking everything.... too many thing to think make me sick of myself... where the me that i know before... i am not myself now... the emotion and feeling that i have now is not how it surpose to be... i wonder... i did change a lot now...
last time i remember... i am not that open person type... and hide everything about myself to everyone that i know... even my feeling and emotion... i fake it  and hide it well... but now... i had change... totally change... is it really me now?? i feel like i doesn't know myself lately... i had change... somehow... i regret something in the past... i hide myself so well that... i regret it now...